Jun 10

Well there was one time when I created a potato blight, which lead to the greatest artificial famine in history and resulted in the deaths of a million Irishmen which most historians consider tantamount to genocide, and just the other day I water boarded a mick to death with Goldschlager; however I suppose the Catholic bastards don’t really count as people.

There was another time I tricked two young heroes into going to their deaths while simultaneously bringing me into existence, but the girl was definitely a mick as well given her mother’s propensity for the drink!

I suppose I will have to settle for the time I killed a Scotsman with a bottle of Goldschlager, an old rag and a zippo lighter after he questioned my omniscience.

Damn Irish…

KIDS THESE DAYS with your back vaginas and front butts and head erections, and yer damn fictives and otherkins and gundamkins and toasterkins and pumkinsexuality and and yer transsexuality and bisexuality and pansexuality and homosexuality and heterosexuality-point is there’s too much damn sex! you all go around enjoying yourselves and finding true love in the arms of another regardless of race, creed, religion, or sexual preference!

Back in my day a man had sixteen children with a woman and within 15 years they were sent off to do some good old-fashioned ethnic cleansing of the Irish! Whatever happened to those days?!

Why if Oliver Cromwell were still around he would have a few choice words for all of you hooligans out there trying to live your lives to the fullest trying to enjoy your fleeting time on your world. He’d tell you all to get off your arses and kill some damn Catholics like and good Brit would, not loligag about being accepting of others!

damn kids…

damn Irish…

I am NOT drunk. I believe that the only applicable descriptive phrase that correctly corresponds to my present mental state that you would all understand is “white girl wasted” as you young whippersnappers say in damn colloquial parlance. 

I’ll tell you back in my day we had REAL euphemisms for being drunk off our arses like “cockeyed” “bombed” “blitzed” “pickled” “twisted” “pissed” “misconstrued” “zonked” and “drunk off yer arse”. Kids these just have no damn respect.

And I don’t know why my gloves are gone, did you take them?! Obviously not since I’m omniscient and I know full well that the little miss ram horns took them, because she just has to be rebellious against the man. Kids these days with their disco and their sex, and their not dying of dysentery trying to get to Oregon; they just haven’t a care in the world for serious business.  

Y’know what I bet it is your fault, all of you young people are in league with each other, trying to enrage your damn parents and..you all stopped listening didn’t you…

Jun 09

You are right! However, I feel as though you are less attractive when you use, how shall I put it, “shitty grammar”

PS: If you plan using Kanaya’s speech form, you should attempt to say something intelligent. 

Jun 08

Fucking monkeys.

I do eat and drink. I just only eat and drink Goldschlagger.

Jun 07

Nope.

Mar 02

Most likely because I am a master manipulator with godlike powers and a gang of deadly agents at his disposal. An alternate reason is that I also happen to be host to an undying even more powerful demon from whom I take MY orders. I also happen to be assured enough in all of these powers that I have no need to hide my capabilities from all of you and am in fact quite polite about all of my rather unpleasant doings, seeing as how there is no need to be rude to those who are incapable of stopping me. Although now that I think about it all that may make me even more disconcerting.

Feb 27

I feel like posing for such a picture would compromise my integrity as a wonderful chaperone, but as a wonderful host I will leave you with this young lady dressed to look like me.

You may also feel free to submit things to me, despite the redundancy inherent in bringing things to the attention of an omniscient being.

Ask anything you wish, although I already know what you will say.